Unsent: “Class Clown”

Dear T,

What went through your mind when you first walked into the chaos that evening? What must you have thought of her, with her big curls and blue dress and sunglasses indoors?

Her friend was the one to suggest hiring you – apparently you were a friend of a friend – and sure, why not? She thought you did a great job, did far better than she expected. Oh how you made her laugh a lot. How you always make her laugh. And humor is a powerful thing.

But you must know that already, right?

She isn’t sure the exact moment you went from funny stranger to someone she could be interested in. It was probably sometime during the walk to her building and then to the afterparty.

It was a little breezy that night; she could feel a slight wind on her bare legs and bare arms. She could also feel you bump shoulders with her every now and then, while you asked about her interests and gave insight to who you are and definitely flirted; your friend and her friend walking up ahead. It seemed like your job was to keep her occupied so your friend could get at her friend. She suspected this, of course, but as the night slid into morning and then afternoon?

She didn’t really mind.

She’s never had such strong chemistry with anyone and in such a short amount of time.

It must be one-sided though, right, for you to leave her more and more confused and filled with questions, each time you see each other: What were you thinking when your friend and her friend left to get sleep and the two of you stayed up the entire night talking, joking, connecting? What did you think when you left and hardly spoke to her after, except to ask for help? What was your mind like when you saw her again a year later, when you laughed together like that first night, when you hung out with her two years after that and connected in even more ways, only to disappear again? What’s the reasoning for watching stories but not reaching out, for saying you never want to leave when you’re over but disappearing again afterward, for the inconsistency?

Will you ever explain to her?

Signed,

Curious Cat

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